samantha(:

2009-04-25T19:14:00.002+08:00

deadblogdeadblog~ hahaha. (daanish! i updated alr hor)

went for chinese tuition, then cabbed to Pasir Ris to find siongyu and jolene. MANDA! sorry i pangseh-ed you! Dx finally went out with them after don't know how long :D hey! go out more often okayys? hehs. actually we wanted to go to ecp to play, but ended up going downtown to play arcade. the spot the difference thingy is addictive xD ate pastamania too, shared pizza, and sy had minestrone. it smelled like tomatoes. haha. but.. the thing is that..

going there brought back a lot of memories =/

sam. quit thinking bout it. you're not suppose to think about this anymore. sighs.

i cant help but think, it's hard okay. i can't just stop thinking of you like that *snaps fingers* hai. everyone's right. i've got friends around me, shouldn't i be contented. not saying that im not. i am, but it really feels like a part of me is missing. it really does. i can't explain it, but i feel like an empty shell

you: you happy now? you hurt me, you played with my feelings and more or less got away with it, cause i couldnt do anything. you got what you wanted. i cant believe i fell for you. ugh.

2009-03-03T21:30:00.001+08:00

im falling for the same thing over and over again

and i know that i shouldn't

but i can't help it

2009-02-08T12:31:00.003+08:00

yesterday i saw you just standing there
i dunno why, but i felt like crying
i realised that this we couldnt let things end like this
i dont want things to end like this
in this past 2 years
we've gone through so much
you were there when he hurt me time and time again
you always managed to make me feel better
and you're one of the few who could really cheer me up
and we always said our friendship was strong enough to overcome anything
i always believed it was true, maybe it isn't
we've drifted this year
i know thats my fault, but thats another matter.
i've quarrelled with you more than i have with the rest
yet im the closest to you.
sometimes i say things i mean at that moment
but i'll always regret and feel super guilty later
and somehow or another
i always end up missing you.

2009-02-06T19:59:00.004+08:00

busy busy busyyyy -sighs-

haha. thats the only way i know i can describe my life these past few days. its like school, then after school i have either band or tuition. bleahs. super hectic lor. plus homework and a lot a lot more stuff. i need a break!

today had sectionals, cause mr fahmi's sick. then went to paint classroom. when i went in manda, jazmyne, aqilah, weijie, jason, daanish and miss koh were there. then jaime and sy came. painted a bit, then went to wash up in the rain xD after that went sushi and bbt with them and lucas, willie and kok wai. haha. chatted with them for while, then went home. funn =D hehe

i guess everything's fine now (:

2009-01-23T22:39:00.005+08:00

hellooooos~

today was veryvery fun. had pe, then amath, class party, chem test, then cny concert. after school went back to yu neng with jeremy and zhen lu. saw mdm ng, and zhen lu saw 3? of his teachers. and i couldnt help but notice that the p1s were really small. and that they seemed scared of us cause we were so big -sighs.

went back to school at 3. helped a bit painting the classroom. didnt help a lot though.. sorryy. then washed up with manda and derick and ahgwee. played water! haha. and saw two millipedes or centipedes and another bug with super long legs. manda and i screamed! lol. thenthenthenn.. finished washing up, went back to class, cleared the classroom, and sat down to eat chips and gossip (: left 'round six.

you: i dont think you'll ever read this, but if you do.. i guess this time its for real, no more history repeating itself ever again, no more this, no more that, no more a lot of things. i cant say i wont miss that. i cant say i wont miss you at first. i cant say i'll be able to get used to it, not for a long while that is. i cant say its not my fault that i didnt give up earlier, i cant say its entirely your fault. i cant say i'll know how to face you in class. cause i wont. i cant say a lot of things. *sighs* you've been wanting me to give up on you for a very long time alr. loving you had became a habit that i wasnt willing to break, guess i finally did break it in the end. time heals all wounds aye. i used to tell myself. if i ever let you go, it wouldnt be cause i didnt love you anymore, but cause i loved you too much. i guess i was wrong. and.. i just wish i could have heard those words from you. instead of my best friend.

bestfriend: thanks for being there for me, thanks for telling me all this, thanks for helping me let go. i know i havent been a good friend lately. really really sorry =/ loveya (:

2008-12-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

hellos (:

ytd went to study/ do homework
at airport
not so productive
cause do a bit then talk then do then talk
managed to finish 1 history essay andand nothing else ><
anyways. after a few hours we went to coffee bean and had cheesecake! mocha ice blend and caramel ice blend. manda wanted the guy to put more caramel then sugarrush! supersweet xD zhen lu! see! i write longer than you le hor!

confused.despite everything you're still the last person i think about before i sleep and the one i want to be with me when im down/lonely/whenever smth's not right. whywhywhywhywhy =/

2008-12-18T23:53:00.000+08:00

-i'll move on after a while, but there'll always be a lil' part of my heart that'll belong to you-

2008-12-11T19:34:00.001+08:00

emoemoemo~

sighhh. there's like a ton of homework sitting on my table, and so far i only finished chem and english. boooo. no mood to do homework, let alone study. i wanna go out and have fun and play the whole day, like i did today, had a blast! but then i have to remind myself that o's are next year.. which means its time to mugmugmug

anyways. went to melissa's house ytd to do the youth church games, and her cousins were there. her younger cousin is really really cute lor. when i first got there, he was like "i dont want you" in chinese, then when he was leaving to go back to malaysia, he ran into the room and kissed me on the cheek, and when melissa asked him to kiss her, he didnt want to~

went out with sydnie, shane and chris today to kallang leisure park. ice skating! and bowling and arcade and starbucks. me loveee mocha frapp! bleahs. spent a lot a lot of money. everytime i go there i seem to spend a lot without knowing. need to save moneyyyyy

bored bored bored. miss my besties Dx

i guess i just have to learn to let go
to move on and forget
but so far
it seems like everything i do reminds me of you

2008-11-29T18:06:00.001+08:00

*breathes in*
i know i shouldnt
i know i cant
i just dont wanna lie to myself anymore
but its just so fuckin hard
whenever i think of you
it takes everything i have to hold myself together, not to break down in front of everyone
i smile, i laugh, i act as if nothing has happened
i seem fine on the surface

but really.. its like im stuck in my worst nightmare
one i dont think i'll be able to wake up from
i knew smth was up
but i didnt wanna say anything
looking back
if i did
would it have saved me all this
fuck luh
i feel like walking in the path of a speeding car
then i dont have to think bout anything anymore
that'll be kinda nice

2008-11-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

you told me to trust you, that i wont get hurt again. and i did. cant believe i was stupid enough to do so.

2008-11-13T18:02:00.000+08:00

grabbed from sy (:

A real Boyfriend:

when she walks away from you mad

- follow her

when she stares at your mouth

- kiss her

when she pushes you or hits you

- grab her and don’t let go

when she starts cursing at you

- kiss her and tell her you love her

when she's quiet

- ask her what’s wrong

when she ignores you

- give her your attention

when she pulls away

- pull her back

when you see her at her worst

- tell her she's beautiful

when you see her start crying

- just hold her and don’t say a word

when you see her walking

- sneak up and hug her waist from behind

when she's scared

- protect her

when she lays her head on your shoulder

- tilt her head up and kiss her

when she steals your favorite hat/shirt

- let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

when she teases you

- tease her back and make her laugh

when she doesn’t answer for a long time

- reassure her that everything is okay

when she looks at you with doubt

- reassure her and back yourself up

when she says that she loves you

- she really does, more than you can comprehend

when she bumps into you

- bump into her back and make her laugh

when she tells you a secret

- keep it safe and untold

when she looks at you in your eyes

- don’t look away until she does

when she says she misses you

- she's hurting inside

when you break her heart

- the pain never really goes away

when she says it’s over

- she still wants you to be hers

when she's mad

- hug her tight and don't let go

when she says she's okay

- don’t believe it, talk with her

10 yrs later she'll remember you

- kissed her in the pouring rain

- called her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- called her before you sleep and after you woke up

- treated her like she means the world to you

- stayed up all night with her when she was sick

- watched her favorite movie/show with her even if you think it’s stupid

- gave her the world

- hung out with her when she was bored or sad

- let her know she was important

but.. i dont want anything to change just yet (:

2008-11-05T16:20:00.000+08:00

moral of the story: spreading the wrong info can lead to a LOT of misunderstandings (:

2008-10-31T20:48:00.000+08:00

heyheys (:

went to ava for english, which was very entertaining today xD
after school went chinatown to drink tea and to learn history.
played dj max with manda on the bus, lost to her Dx rawr!
they were selling sugar nuts and mixed nuts at the tea place, shared with manda zl and jer

came back to school, went for band.
for some reason i couldnt stop laughing. i think sy knows why
after band went to clear locker, had to call mummy to pick me up, cause too many books.

1 more day~
i cant help thinking though...
what if..
what if..
what if

2008-10-03T17:23:00.000+08:00

had double emaths today *faints* but managed to stay awake. physics was.. uhh.. dunno. i think she was going through the mock paper.. and did a little history during english

after school went bubble tea, then bedok library to study. with tzuying marcus jeremy and houping. haha. went to the childrens books there, then there was this little girl who came to us and threw some white thingy on our heads, going 'happy birthday!' xD me and tzuying were okay with it, but jer and marcus stare at her like what liddat.. cmon lah.. she's just a lil' kid right.. tsk. and she took my hairband and tried to put it on tzuying's head. maybe jer was right, i shouldnt have played with her, cause that'll only make her think that i can play with her, but the thing is she was just so damn CUTE ><>

followed tzuying back to school to take her lit book. had to run to catch the bus to come back, so not doing that again. zhenlu and shermin came to join us. after that didnt study anymore, and zhenlu took this chinese book.. haha. marcus couldnt stop laughing o.O

and i just thought of a random thing. i so want that tinkerbell necklace for my bdae. but its like.. dunno how much. and daddy said he'll only buy for me if i get good grades. so i guess i have to mugmugmug.. sighs. so i better go mug now.

siongyu~:
thanks for being there for me when i needed you
you're right. i guess i just needed to let everything out and take a breath, step back and look at things.
even though we fight and quarrel sometimes.. i know our friendship is strong enough. and we've been friends long enough to not let something so small break us up. haha. whee~
i love you xD

2008-09-26T15:39:00.000+08:00

chinese oral todayy. had some male teacher. he was nice though. after reading the passage he asked me what dialect i spoke at home. i was like.. "huh? english o.O" then he was like you surname is jong right. i nodded. he was like "but your chinese surname is yang, so shouldnt your surname be yong" i smiled and shrugged -.- bleh. overall it was okay i guess. ytd had english oral. got TanMuiKeng. she was nice..i guess? asked a LOT of questions though. but i think that'll help..?

anyways. after oral went bbt. milk tea ice blend! wahaha. then went kfc with tzuying shelyn kaylie jer marcus and zhenlu. tzuying was making marcus give her 10 good reasons for her to go to kfc, and they had to be up to her standard. and i learnt a new word! but i forgot what it was >< something to do with being persuasive when arguing/debating i think.

im like so dead for eoys. at least for ss. havent seriously started studying, only read through, and i think can die trying to memorize everything lor. andandand the paper's like on monday ><>

2008-09-12T15:42:00.000+08:00

haha. didnt update for a long long time =x

anyways. ytd went tm with jaime jolene sy manda zhenlu tzuying ck and benson, cos tzuying wanted a new bag. reached there, went ljs. marcus and co. joined us. then went looking for tzuying's bag. jaime jol and sy left first i think, cause we weren't going the same way. after finding her bag, went to toys'r'us to play xD played with hammers, then they were like the person there asked them to 'pls nt play with the hammers' lol. played with this machine thingy that had wierd wierd flavours of mentos and highlighters inside. then went for tuition.

almost fell asleep in class today, cause we had like amath emath and physics consecutively, so it was like almost impossible to stay awake la Dx didnt really understand amath, emath was okay.. and just went through workbook and practical for physics. after sch was suppose to go airport study with shermin they all, but didnt in the end cause had to go home. and thats why im sitting here typing this when i shld be studying. rawr! and i think i shld go study now. time to start mugging ><

2008-09-02T19:52:00.000+08:00

whee~ me and sy okay le. haha.

anyways. today had emaths ss physics and amaths. from 8.00 to 2 smth. sians lor. during emaths missG kinda scolded us again. cause she said we werent really paying attention or something. sighs. ate a lot a lot of sweets today. sugar overload. during one of the lessons jaime did smth i think. but i forgot what. after lessons went makan with her.. behind school. we walk walk walk in the end still end up in the same place -.- talked quite a bit too i guess. haha. have physics and band tmr.

imma very very happy girl today :D
020908 3.50pm <3

2008-08-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

bleahs. didnt go to school~ nth to do at home though. so siannnn. zhenlu called and said missP wanted the ppt for history, so i on-ed the com to send it to her, and i ended up blogging. and now i wish i had gone to school.. im seriously effin bored at home. been texting ppl for entertainment, and thinking whether to go for band or not.. maybe not. they're having ss now. i think. dunno.

** ***:

wow. youre the first person who made me like this. because of you i lost my temper in school. ive never ever done that before. im sorry to be the one who made our friendship like this. youre not one to forgive and forget. i dont forget but at least i forgive. bout you and esther, thats btwn you and her. ive had enough of you accusing me of smth i didnt even say. however, its up to you if you want to believe. did i scold you? no. at least to me it wasnt scolding. if you want me to scold you i can. but i dont want to. you were suppose to be my best friend, but i guess we drifted apart this year. we started quarrelling more often, fighting over almost everything. the minute i said smth wrong, you'll get angry. i was always the one you got angry with the longest. even before i stead him. we started fighting so often that soon i got used to your ignoring me. so much that when we made up, it was wierd talking to you again. guess all that doesnt matter now huh? its like. about what happened. im wondering right now. if this is what i get for caring, then why did i even start to care in the first place. doesnt make sense right. if i care and you get angry, then theres no use in caring. i know i hurt you in the past, and that nth i say will make that seem like it never happened. i made you cry, i broke your heart. i admit. i did do that. and now youre doing the same thing to me. you lied to me too. you made me cry and you hurt me so much that i cant find any words to express how i feel. best friends forever? you saying you'll always be there for me? yea right. look at where we are now. me acting innocent? LOL. this is the only whatever you call it that we had that i dont blame myself. before this everytime smth like this happened i'll blame myself. hows that acting innocent. i never did anything to get anyone on my side. im just doing what youre doing. telling my side of the story. if thats 'acting innocent' then why're you doing it too? you dislike ppl who dont tell the truth? i dislike them too. yea. so technically. what have I said in the PAST FEW DAYS that was untrue? i did NOT say you were addicted. get THAT into YOUR bloody head. tsk. also, breaking up with him was MY choice. since when have i ever said i blamed you for breaking us up? i dont blame you. i blame myself for letting myself go this far with him. and anw, if i did blame you, i wouldnt be talking to you after we broke up. right?and breaking up with him was my choice. it may not make sense to you, not wanting a guy that loves me so much, but it makes a lot of sense to me. i dont wanna hurt him again. i dont want a one-sided relationship. and btw, isnt this suppose to be btwn me and them and nth to do with you? i know i made him very emo at first. but we're friends now. and im sorry to have hurt them both. anyway. whats your problem with my going with her? what on earth did she do to offend you? nothing right? why bring her up? isnt it my choice on who i want to hang out with? dont you have other friends outside school? if you can hang out with others why cant i? someone once told me. your friends dont control you, they cant change who you are. you are who you are and no one can change that. if they dont wanna accept you for who you are, then they arent really your friends. at that time, it didnt really make sense. but now, it slowly is. i guess we're just too different. one thing said means something different to each of us. our thinking is very different. too different. i dont see things your way, though i try to, but you completely have no idea how i see things do you? i have a lot more things to rant about, so much so that it could probably fill a book. dont wanna lose sleep over this anymore. we're on two different sides of an ocean. and no one can do anything to change that. im sorry for how this friendship turned out to be. but now its all said and done, theres nth i can do alr.

i'll probably not mean this in a few months. this is just getting everything outta my system.

2008-08-20T19:59:00.000+08:00

20082008~

okayokayyy.. posting posting.

today after sch went to eat with sy jolene qy and zy

i hate my name now Dx lol

went back to sch

bussed to library with manda and zl

guess thats all

no mood for other things

to you:
im sorry bout everything.
im sorry i led you on.

im sorry i did all those things to you.

i guess things just didnt turn out the way we wanted it to
i know you can find someone better than me
i dunno.
all i can say is im sorry
it seems like thats the only word in my vocabulary
but that just doesnt seem enough.